June 10, 2011 -- from my journal.
All of you terrible, terrible people who let me think pregnancy was magical, mystical, wonderful, and joyous LIED.
Yeah, that's right. Lied.
I'm miserable. I'm constipated for the first time in my life (try having constipation after having a lifetime of diarrhea. Yeah. That's right. My ass hurts!), gas is trying to cramp me to death (something I once thought impossible), my heartburn refuses to leave and is apparently BFFs with my esophagus (NOT cool), and this whole dizzy-spell thing makes me feel like a fairy-tale princess. An ugly, fat, bloated one.
And this is all at 6 weeks!
Oh; did I mention that I can't even hug my fiance, because it hurts my boobs?
Yeah. You all lied. Don't worry; I'll get you back. We're raising our child to be the Evil Supreme Ruler, and we WILL take over the world. (Perks: Free healthcare for the rest of our lives, unlimited money, and no need to wait in line at Starbucks. Hell yeah, my baby's going to rule the universe. Pluto can come too.)