Thursday, June 16, 2011

Baby sucking brain out. Help. Send Skittles.

I've noticed a few fun and interesting things about being pregnant.

For examples:
  • I haven't been able to hula-hoop in years.  (I used to be so good as a child!)  Working the evening shift with a bunch of crazy women like myself, we hula-hoop every night for a few minutes, just to get away from the desks and chairs and get some exercise.  Last night, I found out that if you want to hula hoop, all you need to do is be 7 weeks pregnant.  Voila.  Instant hooping magic.  (Why?  I don't know.)  Unfortunately, none of my coworkers were keen on the idea of getting pregnant just to be able to hula hoop.  However, they were keen on throwing me into a trash can out of sheer frustration.
  • Zombie jokes run amuck. At least among my circle of peers -- and admittedly, we're a bit odd, nerdy, geeky, and believe in zombie apocalypses.  Sort of.  I can't count how many times I've been informed that I'm a zombie because the baby is sucking my brain out.
  • The baby does suck your brain out.  I apparently now have "baby brain", which has symptoms quite similar to ADHD and general stupidity.
  • You can gain 5 pounds from constipation and bloating overnight and not fit into any of your clothes anymore.  ANY OF THEM.  And you're only 6-7 weeks pregnant.  (That is not to be ready sixty-seven.)
  • Pregnancy sucks for you, but everyone else around you is happy.  Where is that happy-go-lucky 2nd trimester I hear about?
  • Worries dominate your life and you get ready to throttle anyone who so much as mentions the terrible "what if this happens" -- even if they are the love of your life and you will be marrying them in less than 2 weeks.
  • There's the odd fear that I'm going to go to the ultrasound and find out that there's no baby and I made myself pregnant through special mind powers.  To be fair, I am a very gullible person.
  • Apparently, pregnant woman are the most likely to be stalked.  I'm told this on an almost daily basis when I do something that isn't secure enough, in the eyes of baby's daddy.  Marrying a criminal justice major is NOT all fun and games.
  • My mom is Super Neurotic Grandma.  I took one little sip of cola to wash out that nasty tap-water taste of Denny's water and she leaned across the table and informed me that HER grandchild was NOT going to have any soda, thank you very much.  Yikes.  Korean women are scary.  She also informs me that she doesn't want to be a grandma because she's too young.  Too bad, lady.
  • My dad laughs at me.  He finds all the pregnancy symptoms funny -- now that he doesn't have to deal with me on a daily basis and I'm getting married and am now officially "someone else's problem."
  • My brother thinks I'm funny too.  I had a moment where I started bawling like a baby on the phone because I missed him.  His response?  "So, how are you liking those mood swings?"  Jerk.
  • Being pregnant is totally awesome, if you're not the one with the big tummy.
With this kind of daily life (and we've only known for 2 weeks!), it's obvious that I am in need of saving.  Preferably in the form of Skittles.  Or Milky Way bars.

To hell with it.  I'll take anything you've got that involves sugar and/or chocolate.

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